Well, that fooled you all, didn't it?
A few people knew, mainly work folk, but the fewer people that know a secret, the easier it is to keep.
I was up and awake at like, 4am on the Wednesday. My father in law collected me just around 5am, and within 45 minutes we were at Manchester Airport. Nearly 3 days, 4 flight and about 19,000 miles later I was walking through the front door of my brother and his fiancée's house in New Zealand.
Needless to say, they were shocked. Jenni's first concern was getting me on the Stag Do, but my crafty parents had sorted that our with the aid of a patsy called Brett. Once their fears were allayed it was time to keg.
I was to be spending my time in New Zealand in a place called the Otago Lodge which was a ski lodge in winter, and just a lodge in the summer. I was sharing the dwelling with 3 couples (4 if you include the transient's : Tove and Pete). Of course, none of the occupants knew about the surprise either. Fortunately they were willing to tolerate me for the duration of their stay. No mean feat, I can tell you.
Once I'd moved in, it was time to keg some more, then we headed into town for some food.
Saturday was spent mildly hungover, wandering around Arrowtown with everyone. Arrowtown is famous for a number of things, principally, though, it's pies and gold. In that order. Then it was Queenstown and JETBOAT! I was dubious about JETBOAT as EVERYONE had said it was incredible, and I'm suspicious of anything that is universally acclaimed. How wrong I was to be sceptical.
That evening we bbq'd and hit the sack early in preparation for the stag and hen dos.
The stags went offroading. My dad drove one 4x4, my brother drove the other. It's very hard to drink beer in the back of a moving off-road vehicle, especially while it's not on a road. Me, Mike, Liam and Alan managed it in our car, though, and I think the other car managed it pretty well too.
We headed back in to Queenstown for more, fizzier, colder beer, then we met up with the hens and jumped a private party boat to the Hilton, across the lake. There we drank and ate. Afterwards, said party boat took us back to town where ate and then drank. I lost at pool. Dismally.
Awaking with a mild hangover, I elected to "do" Queenstown with my parents, my hangover destroyed by my first Vudu experience, consisting of a triple latte and eggs Montreal, which is like eggs Benedict, but it's salmon instead of bacon. That evening, I met up with the cool kids and we got Fergburgers and had a FEW drinks at the lodge before an early night.
The next day, the wedding party went and did wedding stuff, leaving me, Liam, Saara and Jen to play mini golf. I let everyone win, because I'm magnanimous like that. I'm also shit at golf. That evening, my mum and dad, and me and my brother went out of a delicious meal, then we headed home.
My brother, his last night as a free man, slept in my room. I expected questions, a quizzing of my manly, world weary wisdom. Instead he rolled over and went straight into a sound sleep. Indeed, he would later go on to say it was "the best sleep he'd slept in ages". I, on the other hand, lay there worrying that he wasn't sleeping well, worried his lack of sleep would ruin the big day. I think that might be ironic, I'm not sure.
We both got up, went upstairs, said "hi" to everyone and then wedding stuff went down. Big time.
Photos were taken, lots of photos. My brother seemed calm, collected. So did everyone else for that matter. As is traditional, as few people as possible had any contact with the bride. I was sure she'd be a bag of nerves. Someone had to be. But Alan went to check on her, drop some stuff off, and said she was fine. The rest of the day went just as smooth as the morning had. The venue was in a stunning location, a little chapel in the grounds of a winery. It was swelteringly hot, and, dapper as I am, I had chosen to wear a suit. Liam's a dapper man, too, and was also wearing a suit. No one else was. It was a stupid decision on both our parts, but damn. We looked good.
After the service (beautiful, romantic, heartfelt, teary) we drank champagne (not locally produced) and posed for photos, then most of us headed on to the reception (stopping off for locally produced liquid refreshment along the way).
The reception was excellent. Great people, music, food, entertainment, and the weather was stunning. The wine, whilst expensive was lovely, lovely stuff and I had no problem buying ... Well, loads of it. I don't remember the coach ride home. Or Jen hurting her foot in a grid. I was a mess the next day.
Once I'd mustered enough strength to move off the couch I showered, and headed to the kiwi place with Mike and Saara. We saw Alan and Jen and kiwis. It was good. The part of my brain that makes memories had been damaged from alcohol consumption the previous night, so that's about all you get for that day. We had a bbq and more booze that evening. Putting out the fire with gasoline. Delcious, cold, hoppy, fizzy gasoline.
When the morning came we packed our shit and vacated the lodge. We'd lost Keely and Liam very early that morning to the travel bug. They'd headed up the road to a place called Dunedin where they were staying for a few days. Jen and Alan headed off around lunchtime, leaving me, Mike and Saara to amuse ourselves the only way we knew how : Crazy Golf. The crazy golf is best described with two nouns (somewhat peculiarly) and they are "Space" and "Ship". The third hole... Has a space ship, that blasts off... When you hole the ball. Oh yes.
Once we'd finished that ( I didn't lose) we headed back to freshen up, then me, David and his new wife, Mike and his soon-to-be wife (she caught the bouquet. Who am I to argue with science?) went in to town for beer and pizza. We were successful in our mission, then headed back to the newly-wed's, where I would be staying for the next two nights. We sat with my parents watching our favourite Youtube clips, and I Skyped Melissa and Penny.
When the morning came, Mike and Saara left. They'd hired a car to do the scenic drive up to Christchurch for their flight the following day.
I spent the day with my mum and dad and uncle and aunt taking in the remaining sights of Queenstown, including the gondola to the top of a big mountain, and the local cemetery. That evening we had another bbq.
Early night followed by earlier start, on the long trek home to Manchester. I met Mike and Saara in the airport, then spent 6 hours or so with them in Singapore, which was nice, then it was on to my final plane, home to my wife and daughter. I knew I'd miss them both while I was gone, but I didn't realise quite how much. It really didn't help that Penny was very unwell for a couple of days. The vast distance did nothing to make me feel useful. Still, Melissa coped admirably. Certainly better than I would have done, and the two of them were there to greet me at the airport when I landed (almost. They were stuck in traffic). We went for lunch, Penny put on a show. She's really is absolutely ace. Melissa's alright too.
Penny's changed loads in less than two weeks. Her her pronunciation of words is clearer, and she's so much more expressive (yes, even more so). Melissa was in work tonight, but despite my complete and utter physical and mental exhaustion I've bathed Penny and put her to bed and I've enjoyed every second of it.
Although, seriously, I am knackered. I'm going to do the dishes and get in to bed. Seriously.
Normal service will resume tomorrow. I will probably post the photos to Facebook, too. Not all 320 of them, just a handful.
I had a brilliant time in New Zealand, and I just want to thank everyone who added to that, in any way. I won't name names, I'm running out of steam. But I would like to thank specifically my mum and dad for helping with, and keeping the surprise, I'd like to thank my wonderful, beautiful wife for having the idea to go in the first place, and above all I'd like to thank David and Jenni for choosing to get married in such a spectacular place, with such excellent people. Congratulations guys, see you both soon!
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a dishwasher to pack.
